Eric's Haircut: The Two and a Half Year Anniversary
It is a day that will live in infamy. February 6th, 2004.
The day of... Eric Zapakin's haircut.
It started out innocently enough.
Brett: "Eric, old buddy! I dear say, your hair's getting pretty long!"
Eric: "By jove, you're right!"
Eric: "Maybe I should get a haircut! And I know just the people to do it: my friends Ryan, Andy and Dan The Man!"
Brett: "Ha-ha! A grand plan, if I do say so myself!"
Eric: "Indubitably! It will be delightful!"
"What could possibly go wrong?"
Moments later, in the bathroom.
The "barbers" arrive.
Dan The Man.
Eric: "How delightful! There's nothing like a good, old-fashioned hair-cutting... with some of my dearest -- and completely competent -- friends!"
Eric: "Have at it, boys!"
"Take it all off!"
"Ha-ha, A jolly good time!"
"Look at that hair, just flying off! How delightf--"
They say there's one thing everyone should know about Eric Zapakin.
You wouldn't like him when he's angry.
Eric: "WHAT THE FUCK!?"
Brett: "Haha, they totally massacred your--"
Eric: "You guys are FUCKING DEAD!"
Eric: "Listen, I'm going home in two weeks. If I go back looking like a FUCKING SKINHEAD, my parents are gonna KILL me!"
Andy: "Eric, it looks great. Trust me."
Ryan: "Yeah, It's the best haircut I've ever done."
Mike/Pete/Brett/Darryl: "Uhhh, actually..."
Andy: "Come on, Eric, don't be such a pussy!"
Eric Zapakin may be a lot of things, but if there's anything he's not...
it's a pussy.
The silence was so thick, you could cut it with a knife.
(Or a beard trimmer, if that's all you've got.)
And then, finally...
Eric: "You know, guys...it doesn't really look that bad."
Everyone else: Um, yeah... [snicker, snicker]
A snip here,
a buzz there,
and one last...um...whoops.
Well, there's no turning back now.
I guess that'll have to do.
February 6th, 2004: A day that will live in infamy.
The day of Eric's Haircut.